| Author | Message | ||
     John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert) Username: John_l_probert Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 90.203.130.147 |
So a busy day yesterday led to me unwinding in front of this piece of exuberantly lurid trash last night and oh my God does it ever fit the description of ‘wonderfully bad cinema’. Apparently conceived as Universal’s answer to RKO’s ‘Cat People’ (!!!!), whereas DeWitt Bodeen & Val Lewton conceived a subtle and elegant screenplay, here we have something written by people who Don’t Care At All, and don’t seem to be in the slightest bit embarrassed about it. I love ‘Cat People’ but don’t get me wrong – I loved this as well, for an entirely different set of reasons. Here are just a few: Circus animal tamer Fred Mason return from some ludicrous round the work trip where he seems to have done his best to bring about some kind of global extinction plan, filling his ship with lions, tigers, and a man in a gorilla suit. Meanwhile Evelyn Ankers has taken her friend Dorothy to the gloomiest, most windswept, best and most brilliant sanatorium I have seen in movies in a long while. And what’s even better is that it’s run by the utterly barking mad glandular specialist Dr Sigmund Walters (John Carradine) who smokes through his whole consultation. Anyway, somehow Carradine realises that a man in a gorilla suit is just what he needs for his Experiments to Benefit Mankind. ‘You and I are very alike,’ he tells circus performed Ankers, ‘You use animals to entertain people, I do experiments on them.’ Cue totally bonkers scenario by which he kidnaps the gorilla, hooks it up to Dorothy, and then when his nurse objects he transplants her brain into the gorilla (I think). And then the gorilla turns into a lady called Paula. Whom Carradine then thinks it would be a good idea to take to the circus (??) where she has an uncanny ability to scare the crap out of the lions and tigers when Fred’s not abusing them in interminable stock footage that goes on for ages. Now that we’re about 45 minutes into this hour long film the setup is finally over with so we can get on with the plot. Paula loves Fred, sees him in a clinch with Evelyn and turns brown, then black, then hairy, and then goes off to get Evelyn to Hans ‘I’ve Written One Bit of Monster Chase Music & Universal Have Used It In Every Fucking Film The Cheap Bastards’ Salter’s score. Cue one slightly scary scene, then Paula’s back with Dr Carradine, still very hairy as he shouts ‘They’ll put you in the electric chair!’ to which she responds with a grunt. The ending is bloody brilliant, with Paula turning back into a man in a gorilla suit, killing Carradine and then executing the most hilarious sideways fall in response to a shot from a policeman’s gun I have ever seen a man in a gorilla suit manage. This has to be the most shameless load of old rubbish I’ve seen in years and I loved every second of it. It makes me eager to see its two sequels and the only Universal movie cycle apparently worse that it – ‘The Brute Man’. | ||
| Carolinec (Carolinec) Username: Carolinec Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 82.38.75.85 |
I must say, I adore your reviews, John. You come up with such brilliant lines, eg: ".. where he seems to have done his best to bring about some kind of global extinction plan, filling his ship with lions, tigers, and a man in a gorilla suit." "Paula loves Fred, sees him in a clinch with Evelyn and turns brown, then black, then hairy .." You make me laugh out loud!  | ||
| Steve Jensen (Stevej) Username: Stevej Registered: 07-2009 Posted From: 82.0.77.233 |
and then executing the most hilarious sideways fall in response to a shot from a policeman’s gun I have ever seen a man in a gorilla suit manage. | ||
| Huw (Huw) Username: Huw Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 218.168.176.225 |
The things you endure in the name of the genre, Lord P! If it weren't for the fact that you are already titled, I'd say you should be recommended for a knighthood. | ||
| Mick Curtis (Mick) Username: Mick Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.179.61.66 |
Personally I think more film critics should use phrases like "...the most shameless load of old rubbish..."! | ||
| John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert) Username: John_l_probert Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 90.203.130.147 |
Thanks all - I'm glad my noble efforts have raised a smile! Has anyone else got this boxset of Universal Horrors? I saw Man Made Monster last night, which wasn't quite as bad but still makes me think that the worst of BritHorror was still a lot better than the worst of Universal's output | ||
| Steve Jensen (Stevej) Username: Stevej Registered: 07-2009 Posted From: 82.0.77.233 |
There's a trailer for Captive Wild Woman here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXKxPN1R85g | ||
| Ramsey Campbell (Ramsey) Username: Ramsey Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.93.21.74 |
We have indeed just got the set, John, and were amused by Captive Wild Woman just last night. I think that sideways fall is a moment of genius. | ||
| Ramsey Campbell (Ramsey) Username: Ramsey Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.93.21.74 |
Hey, thanks for that link, Steve! The set has some trailers but not that one. "Stranger than the weirdest horror"! By gum, I'd like to have had that for a blurb. | ||
| John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert) Username: John_l_probert Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 213.253.174.81 |
I was very surprised to find that Brunas, Brunas and Weaver's McFarland Book 'Universal Horrors' claims that 'Captive Wild Woman' is a minor classic! I suppose it is, but just not in the way they mean. They also say that 'Man Made Monster' is an 'efficient quickie' but to be honest any monster who dies because he can't see there's a fence in his way doesn't really deserve even an hour of my time. Although the gleam in his eye and the way Lionel Atwill says 'You need to get into that rubber suit' did suggest to me that he may have said it a few times before at some of his infamous Hollywood parties  'Horror Island' on the other hand really is a waste of time - a kiddie matinee flick filled with cliches and comedy relief from 'Fuzzy Night' whose routines are slightly less amusing than his name. |