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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 88.202.210.68
Posted on Wednesday, December 09, 2009 - 10:17 pm:   

I'm having a run of ultra obscure and strange movies at the moment (The Ballad of Tam Lin, Lady Frankenstein, The Seduction of Amy etc etc) and while most of my scribblings about them are staying on my hard drive for now I wanted to share my thoughts on Amsterdamned because it was such bloody good fun. Has anyone else seen it? Here's a JLP memory-jogger:

This Dutch slasher movie could almost be considered a giallo, except instead of a black-gloved killer we have a black wet-suited diver in a gimp mask terrorising the canals of Amsterdam. The movie opens with the murder of a prostitute whose body is then discovered the next morning in the kind of hilariously grotesque setpiece that the League of Gentlemen would be envious of. Eighties fashion victim and tight blue underpant-wearing detective Huub Stapel is soon on the case along with his muscle bound yellow wetsuit (aaargggghhh!) attired sidekick, but they can’t stop the next murder. “He was a vegetarian,” says their completely mental and somewhat overenthusiastic pathologist colleague “his stomach was full of the usual slop – you know – lentils and the like”. Eyewitnesses are similarly unhelpful. “That old lady said it was a big black monster with claws,” says Huub’s sidekick. “Then my mother in law had better have a good alibi” he quips in reply (and this after the two have just met each other for the first time in thirteen years with the exchange “You stole my girlfriend” “Don’t worry I won’t do that again.”).

More murders occur but who is the killer? Is it Huub’s sidekick who likes diving? Or his new girlfriend who likes diving? Or perhaps her psychiatrist who used to like diving but doesn’t anymore – or so he’d like us to believe? The fact that the killer’s identity is even better and more bonkers than I could possibly have hoped for is just one of the many reasons why this really is a splendid little horror film. Another is that it’s the only slasher movie I ever seen to feature the most fantastic, thrilling, well-shot and hilarious speedboat chase around the canals of Amsterdam as a climax. Amsterdamned is nearly two hours long but a witty script, endearing actors, and a director who really knows what he’s doing means the time just flies by.
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Zed (Gary_mc)
Username: Gary_mc

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 81.96.240.106
Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 - 12:08 am:   

Oh, yes, I've seen this one and enjoyed it thoroughly as I recall.
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Huw (Huw)
Username: Huw

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 218.168.188.152
Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 - 07:05 am:   

Lord P, I saw this when it came out, back in ye olde days of VHS. The same director (Dick Maas) also made a horror film called The Lift which I saw, coincidentally, in a theatre in Eindhoven, Holland, back in the early 1980s. I can't remember much about it, to be honest. Another weird Dutch movie worth checking out (even though it's not great) is The Johnsons, starring Monique van de Ven. A very odd little film indeed...
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 213.253.174.81
Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 - 10:30 am:   

I remember reading about The Lift (which really is about a killer elevator I believe) but I've never seen it.

Huw - I've ordered Mill of the Stone Women!!
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Zed (Gary_mc)
Username: Gary_mc

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 213.219.8.243
Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 - 01:33 pm:   

>>Huw - I've ordered Mill of the Stone Women!!>>

Me too.
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Huw (Huw)
Username: Huw

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 218.168.184.35
Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 - 04:32 pm:   

Good men!
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Skunsworth (Skunsworth)
Username: Skunsworth

Registered: 05-2009
Posted From: 78.148.14.70
Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 08:43 am:   

It's like a whole other world, isn't it...
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Kate (Kathleen)
Username: Kathleen

Registered: 09-2009
Posted From: 93.96.181.75
Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 08:58 am:   

You have no idea.
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 88.202.210.68
Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 09:26 am:   

Says the lady who'll be watching Borowczyk's uncut Dr Jekyll et les Femmes and Riccardo Freda's Horrible Secret of Dr Hichcock with me next week.
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Ian Alexander Martin (Iam)
Username: Iam

Registered: 10-2009
Posted From: 64.180.64.74
Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 08:23 pm:   

Someone please drag me away from the building if JLP is seen luring me into a cinema, please?
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Allybird (Allybird)
Username: Allybird

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 80.47.27.75
Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 08:27 pm:   

Oh - go on then...
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Ian Alexander Martin (Iam)
Username: Iam

Registered: 10-2009
Posted From: 64.180.64.74
Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 08:40 pm:   

No, honestly. He's going to make us all watch Bratislavian Vampire movies, or Spanish Zombie movies with French sub-titles or something! He's a menace, I tell you! Run! Run like THE WIND!
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 88.202.210.68
Posted on Saturday, December 12, 2009 - 09:17 am:   

Well last night it was actually the 1972 Italian-Spanish Jorge Grau movie Ceremonia Sangrienta
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Ian Alexander Martin (Iam)
Username: Iam

Registered: 10-2009
Posted From: 64.180.64.74
Posted on Sunday, December 13, 2009 - 10:01 pm:   

Italian-Spanish? You see? It's the damned Axis Powers again! You're stealing our minds, I tell you!

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