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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 86.142.147.219
Posted on Sunday, August 22, 2010 - 11:16 pm:   

To finish off a weekend of pure exploitation heaven Lady P and I went to watch this this evening.

Like Human Centipede, rather than just rave about it, I'll allow everyone to make up their own minds as to whether it would float your boat or not by saying that in its scant 85 minute running time there is more blood spurted and there are more breasts wobbled right in your face in 3D than in any film I have ever seen.

Director Alexandre Aja did the rather good remake of Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes a while back and now he's done an absolutely splendid remake of Joe Dante's 1978 pic, remaining true to the spirit of late 70s exploitation horror films. There's the daft plot (prehisoric piranhas escape a rift that opens in a lake bed ) the set up of 100s of annoying victims at a summer lakeside party (hooray!) and the doddery old loony actor wheeled on for one scene to tell us how bad everything is going to get (Christopher Lloyd more mad than ever).

It's terrific fun, with every possible suspense scenario we could possibly think of involving flesh-eating aquatic monsters thrown in. And the ending is so bloody priceless and pitch perfect we're going to be chuckling about it for days.
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Mick Curtis (Mick)
Username: Mick

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 86.180.45.171
Posted on Sunday, August 22, 2010 - 11:18 pm:   

Sounds very promising indeed, Lord P.!
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Ian Alexander Martin (Iam)
Username: Iam

Registered: 10-2009
Posted From: 207.6.255.47
Posted on Monday, August 23, 2010 - 12:24 am:   


quote:

…in its scant 85 minute running time there is more blood spurted and there are more breasts wobbled right in your face in 3D than in any film I have ever seen.


I think this is such a statement of the film's quality it should be out on the poster with all due haste!
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Kate (Kathleen)
Username: Kathleen

Registered: 09-2009
Posted From: 86.142.147.219
Posted on Monday, August 23, 2010 - 07:53 am:   

The poster pretty much sets the mood:

piranha1

The opening scene is a real treat, but I won't spoil it for anyone. We're not fans of CGI gore, but there was no other way to do some of the effects, which are great fun and amazingly creative - stuff we weren't expecting and have never seen before. It also has one of the best mass carnage scenes I've ever seen. We had so much fun with it we were willing to forgive the film just about anything.

And well done for concocting the perfect evil exploitation film piranha! This teaser scene (the final shot in the trailer) isn't even in the film:

piranha2

In reality, of course, piranhas are fairly innocuous little guys (they're a popular aquarium pet where I come from) like this:

pacu

"Awwwww..."

I had very much wanted to see this with a big audience (FrightFest would have been ideal), having gleaned from the trailer what kind of film it would be and thinking that would enhance the experience. Well, we saw a later show than usual and it was indeed fairly full. There were plenty of pissed-up students too. But they were *rubbish*! Lord P and I were the only ones cheering, clapping and howling with laughter throughout the film while everyone else sat there in some kind of stupor. They certainly didn't spoil our fun, but I have to ask - what's wrong with the youth of today??? LOL
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Steve Bacon (Stevebacon)
Username: Stevebacon

Registered: 09-2008
Posted From: 90.208.112.233
Posted on Monday, August 23, 2010 - 09:44 pm:   

I love you two.
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Zed (Gary_mc)
Username: Gary_mc

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 81.96.253.77
Posted on Monday, August 23, 2010 - 09:48 pm:   

Hands off; they're mine! Both of 'em.
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Ian Alexander Martin (Iam)
Username: Iam

Registered: 10-2009
Posted From: 207.6.255.47
Posted on Monday, August 23, 2010 - 11:26 pm:   

I want them all to myself!

...but also with a side of McMahon.

I applauded the speech about justice and freedom that Jack Nicholson has as the US President talking to the alien in Mars Attacks, because I could totally sense what was about to happen... and yes, that was bloody awesome!

The point being I would also applaud the fish... who are really about the size of your mobile phone at the most. Which doesn't mean I'm going swimming with any in the near future...
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Steve Bacon (Stevebacon)
Username: Stevebacon

Registered: 09-2008
Posted From: 90.208.112.233
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 12:05 am:   

Anyone see that viral email from a few years ago about the crane that toppled into the Amazon, and the state of the workmen's bodies that were recovered? Horrific.
Scary little bastards.
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Protodroid (Protodroid)
Username: Protodroid

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 109.79.65.171
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 12:38 am:   

A better tagline: "Two million years of evolution... and this is what mankind is doing with itself. 40 years ago, The Moon. (The fucking Moon!) Now, Piranha 3D. Watch it. Fuck, actually pay us to see it. What else are you going to do while you're waiting for the homo sapiens experiment to wind down?"

Might need trimming.
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Protodroid (Protodroid)
Username: Protodroid

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 109.79.65.171
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 12:39 am:   

"Scary little bastards."

Especially with your name, Steve.
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Protodroid (Protodroid)
Username: Protodroid

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 109.79.65.171
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 12:41 am:   

Oh hang on, it's got Christopher Lloyd. Mars can wait. I'll be watching this.
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Kate (Kathleen)
Username: Kathleen

Registered: 09-2009
Posted From: 86.142.147.219
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 07:47 am:   

The point being I would also applaud the fish... who are really about the size of your mobile phone at the most.

They can grow to about a foot in length, you know. And their legendary ferocity is highly exaggerated. (Sharks and barracuda are unfairly maligned too, while we're at it.) Piranha are mainly scavengers and not terribly aggressive. Joe Dante has a lot to answer for!

Yours who once fancied a career as a marine biologist and loved the Bess Armstrong character in Jaws 3 even though it was a Very Silly Film Indeed,
Kate
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 86.142.147.219
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 07:55 am:   

Joe Dante has a lot to answer for!

And of course Antonio Margheriti who made the Italian ripoff Killerfish starring Lee Majors
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Zed (Gary_mc)
Username: Gary_mc

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 81.96.253.77
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 08:38 am:   

I'm one of the few people who enjoyed Killerfish...

Has anyone ever seen Devouring Waves? I think it was a retitled Lamberto Bava monster fish film. Greatest title ever for an aquatic terror film, IMHO, but I never got round to seeing it because I knew deep dowmn inside that it would be pants.
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Kate (Kathleen)
Username: Kathleen

Registered: 09-2009
Posted From: 86.142.147.219
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 09:26 am:   

For added entertainment, here's a review we thought really nailed it. But... oh my goodness, read the comments and the bizarre Jerry Springer match that starts at comment no. 7. Sometimes I despair of the human race. That's why we should engineer piranhas like the ones in the film. And find out where people like this go swimming.

http://www.cinematical.com/2010/08/20/review-piranha-3d/
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John Forth (John)
Username: John

Registered: 05-2008
Posted From: 82.24.1.217
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 09:38 am:   

I liked Jaws 3D for its silliness - terrible effects, Simon McCorkindale and a backwards-swimming shark (a boyhood crush on Lea Thompson probably helped).

Needless to say, I'll be all over Piranha 3D.
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 213.253.174.81
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 09:48 am:   

I think it was a retitled Lamberto Bava monster fish film.

Indeed, directed under his John M Old Jr alias I believe (which is apparently a Mario Bava in-joke)
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Ramsey Campbell (Ramsey)
Username: Ramsey

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 195.93.21.68
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 11:17 am:   

It is, John - La Frusta e il Corpo was released dubbed in English as The Whip and the Body and credited to John M. Old. Franco Fumigalli became Frank Smokecocks. Along these lines, wasn't there a Giovanni Lombardo Radice film in which the actor was credited somewhere as Johnny Radish?
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 194.176.105.55
Posted on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 12:21 pm:   

I've only known Mr Radice as John Morghen but that's a lovely story if it's true.
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Ian Alexander Martin (Iam)
Username: Iam

Registered: 10-2009
Posted From: 207.6.255.47
Posted on Thursday, August 26, 2010 - 07:12 am:   


quote:

I never got round to seeing it because I knew deep dowmn inside that it would be pants.


Just so those of you in the UK know why people from other areas pause before chuckling with an odd, confused expression on our faces, "it would be pants" means absolutely zilch to us. Positive? Negative? Akin to being skinned alive with a barrel of vinegar waiting to one side?

Completely impenetrable.

The phrase "it was pants", not Zed.

...well, this time anyway.
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Weber (Weber_gregston)
Username: Weber_gregston

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 194.176.105.55
Posted on Thursday, August 26, 2010 - 11:23 am:   

I think the context of the sentence sells the meaning of the phrase in this case...

Akin to peeling of the skin with a blanket of salt to roll on before the vinegar shower if you're still not sure...
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Weber (Weber_gregston)
Username: Weber_gregston

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 194.176.105.55
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 11:27 am:   

I finally got round to seeing this last night and I loved it! I'm still grinning this morning.

A pure switch-off-the-brain-and-just-enjoy-it trashy killer fish movie, with the added bonus of full frontal underwater lesbianism in 3D.

What's not to like?

Some of the gore was inspired, the poor girl with her hair caught in the outboard motor... is it still called degloving when your face is pulled off like that?

There were even some moments of genuine tension when the likeable characters were under threat, and that ending... paving the way for an even more OTT sequel.... Brilliant!!!!
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Stevie Walsh (Stephenw)
Username: Stephenw

Registered: 03-2009
Posted From: 194.32.31.1
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 12:08 pm:   

I can't get enthused about remakes like this... would have been great to see Alexander Aja build on the promise of 'Haute Tension' but since then it's been all by-the-numbers, guaranteed audience Hollywood pap imho.
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Kate (Kathleen)
Username: Kathleen

Registered: 09-2009
Posted From: 81.152.74.159
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 12:18 pm:   

Yeah, man! That's exactly the spirit this silly film is intended to be taken in.

I was very disappointed in James Cameron for his snooty condemnation of it. Lord P and I are presenting the BFS award for Best Film on Saturday, so if he's there I think we should all strip off and show him why 3D naughty bits are fun.

Or not. It's not like he'll actually turn up anyway.
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Kate (Kathleen)
Username: Kathleen

Registered: 09-2009
Posted From: 81.152.74.159
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 12:19 pm:   

Sorry - my initial comment was aimed at Weber not Stevie!
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Weber (Weber_gregston)
Username: Weber_gregston

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 194.176.105.55
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 12:22 pm:   

Would that be the James Cameron who directed Piranha 2 - the one with the flying piranha fish? The one that couldn't even be watched in the spirit of fun that Aja has managed to distill so perfectly for this remake/sequel?

He's just jealous coz Aja managed to do it properly when he failed so abjectly.
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Zed (Gary_mc)
Username: Gary_mc

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 195.166.117.210
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 12:39 pm:   

Aja's The Hills Have Eyes remake was far from typical Hollywood pap, IMHO. The best recent horror remake I've seen - a very subvesive horror film it it's own right, this remake actually added to the original and expanded on the core concept.
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Frank (Frank)
Username: Frank

Registered: 09-2008
Posted From: 85.222.86.21
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 01:05 pm:   

The best of the remakes, of the recent horror spate, has to be Zack Synder's reworking of Dawn of the Dead. Loved it for many reasons.
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Kate (Kathleen)
Username: Kathleen

Registered: 09-2009
Posted From: 81.152.74.159
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 01:24 pm:   

We just watched that one the other night, Zed, and found it less effective than the original. The makeup was too grotesque to be realistic or scary. Plus, the basic idea that a group of (searching for a PC term...) disadvantaged individuals like this could be so strong, agile and organised strained credibility for us.

Certainly well made and entertaining, with some effective set pieces. And definitely one of the better remakes around, but that's probably damning it with faint praise. I felt similarly about the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but Lord P hasn't seen it yet, so it's on the TBW pile.
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John Forth (John)
Username: John

Registered: 05-2008
Posted From: 217.20.16.180
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 02:20 pm:   

I got a lot of joy out of both the HILLS HAVE EYES and the DAWN OF THE DEAD remakes. While I agree that it didn't have the grainy effectiveness of the original, I was pleased that HILLS... didn't sanitise the brutality or the message of the original, and managed to give it a nice new twist. It may help that I was never a massive fan of the original.

DAWN..., on the other hand, was just good fun. At least up until the point that silly girl managed to get half the cast killed by running after her dog. And we were meant to support her decision!

THE CRAZIES remake is supposed to be quite solid too. Haven't seen it yet, myself...
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Stevie Walsh (Stephenw)
Username: Stephenw

Registered: 03-2009
Posted From: 194.32.31.1
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 03:07 pm:   

Nah... I refuse to buy into the whole remake craze. It's letting the Hollywood machine off the hook imo.
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 82.33.242.34
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 04:27 pm:   

Yes, I have to admit that on a second watch I didn't think much of The Hills Have Eyes remake, and I think the original is far superior (and certainly scarier). The makeups in the new version were too rubbery, the photography was just too travelogue-ish (I actually thought that desert looked like a nice place to have a holiday in, unlike the original) and as Lady P says, it was actually very hard to believe a group of individuals like that would be able to walk in a straight line, let alone be as organised as they were, especially as pictures of real congenital deformities were thrown into the opening credits, which made the villains look even more fake.

The Dawn of the Dead remake I loved, and it scared me a lot more than Romero's original.

Piranha 3D is just great and I'm really glad you liked it, Weber!
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Stevie Walsh (Stephenw)
Username: Stephenw

Registered: 03-2009
Posted From: 194.32.31.1
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 04:38 pm:   

I thought the 'Dawn Of The Dead' remake was great, if redundant, entertainment for three quarters of its length - before it completely lost the plot in ridiculous A-Team style heroics. Romero's original knocks it into a cocked hat as far as suspense, scares, conviction, acting and satirical depth goes. I consider it still the supreme zombie move that ever has or could be made... then NIGHT, then DAY.
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 82.33.242.34
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 04:51 pm:   

It's interesting - I've always found the original DAWN OF THE DEAD to be rather dull, despite watching it several times and "trying" to like it as much as many others obviously do. I very much suspect I'm at fault here, but I didn't find it at all suspenseful or scary and I thought the acting fairly ropey. I remember it being one of the few films I agreed with Leslie Haliwell on when he put as his review 'short sharp shocks punctuate slabs of tedium'. And the director's cut is even more so.
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Mark West (Mark_west)
Username: Mark_west

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 217.39.177.173
Posted on Thursday, September 16, 2010 - 04:53 pm:   

With Matthew staying with his grandparents overnight, Alison & I went to see Piranha 3D and loved it (first time I've seen a 3D film at the cinema since the 80s). I loved it, I thought the gore was very good, cheered when Eli Roth got squished, using 3D for boob close-ups was inspired and joined in with a collective "urgh" when the fish spat out the cock.

As Weber did, I liked the girl with her hair caught in the motor, it took me a few seconds to realise she had been de-gloved!
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Stevie Walsh (Stephenw)
Username: Stephenw

Registered: 03-2009
Posted From: 82.17.252.126
Posted on Friday, September 17, 2010 - 09:11 pm:   

John, it's the leisurely pace, building up to all those memorable set pieces, that makes the film so convincing a depiction of how such an apocalypse really would unfold. It also gives the viewer more time to identify with the small band of characters, and the actors - whom I thought were superb - more space to flesh out their roles.

It's the painstaking accumulation of little incidental details, rather than unimaginative reliance on pure gore and action, that makes Romero's epic such a resounding success imho. Same goes for the other two films in the trilogy, but his ambitions were never more fully realised than with DAWN - it remains his masterpiece.
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Weber (Weber_gregston)
Username: Weber_gregston

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 109.155.221.150
Posted on Monday, August 08, 2011 - 06:23 pm:   

Here you go Zed. Readymade thread so you can throw yer tuppenceworth in...l
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Zed (Gary_mc)
Username: Gary_mc

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 81.96.253.77
Posted on Monday, August 08, 2011 - 07:21 pm:   

Copy-pasted from my Facebook page:

What a load of rubbish: it contained not a jot of the cheesy mayhem and wry wit of the original John Sayle-scripted exploitation gem.

They could't even be bothered to finsih the story, so it has an absurd ending. And all the major set-pieces are handled so badly that they seem flat and tepid.

The CGI is terrible - some of the worst I've ever seen.

I hated it. No fun at all for me. It tried way too hard and had too little wit. The original is a million times better - and much more fun.

You can't replicate that kind of undeliberate cheesiness. The Piranha remake was trying to construct something that can only happen naturally. IT didn't work at all for me - in fact, I found it really clumsy and self-conscious.
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John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert)
Username: John_l_probert

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 86.131.51.242
Posted on Monday, August 08, 2011 - 10:28 pm:   

Oh My God mirthless pod people what have you done with Gary McMahon!!!????

Seriously though I'm really surprised - we really enjoyed this at the cinema and a second viewing on DVD was just as much fun. In fact I'm pleased to say we own a copy and I can't wait for the sequel. I also thought it was a far more accomplished (and rather more tasteful) remake than Aja's Hills Have Eyes.

Also very strangely I thought the CGI was excellent, and that the KNB FX boys outdid themselves.

Are you all right Zed? I'm actually really sorry you didn't have a good time with this (and for that matter Zombieland and Human Centipede as well). If I had to make a guess I would have said you'd have loved it. I'm not for a minute suggesting either of us is right or wrong in our opinions but Piranha 3D was such pitch-perfect hectic outrageous gory fun all the way through for me I actually feel properly sad you didn't get the enjoyment out of it that I did.
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Zed (Gary_mc)
Username: Gary_mc

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 81.96.253.77
Posted on Monday, August 08, 2011 - 11:47 pm:   

John, I honestly thought it was garbage - big budget, glossy faux exploitation.

Hobo with a Shotgun, on the other hand, is the best film I've seen this year. It's like someone put Deadbeat at Dawn, Bronx Warriors, The Exterminator, Street Trash & Turkey Shoot in a blender and made an Exploitation smoothie.
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Tony (Tony)
Username: Tony

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 92.11.31.230
Posted on Sunday, September 12, 2021 - 12:55 am:   

I too think the original Dawn of the Dead is boring, and clumsy.
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Craig (Craig)
Username: Craig

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 99.180.70.140
Posted on Saturday, September 18, 2021 - 05:11 pm:   

I just can't believe ZOMBIELAND and HUMAN CENTIPEDE are over ten years old now....
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Tony (Tony)
Username: Tony

Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 92.11.31.230
Posted on Saturday, September 18, 2021 - 08:06 pm:   

EVERYTHING is ten years old!!

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