| Author | Message | ||
     Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.181.138.175 |
Well I did try writing yesterday but I don't think I enjoyed it enough to keep going, and the world the way it is it feels like fiddling while the world burns. It doesn't feel right, and if I'm getting no pleasure, why keep going? My skills don't kick in if pleasure isn't forthcoming, no matter what anyone says. | ||
| Stevie Walsh (Stephenw) Username: Stephenw Registered: 03-2009 Posted From: 5.68.172.16 |
That's as fine a definition of clinical depression as I've ever heard, Tony. When we lose all interest and joy in the things we love it is because we can't see beyond the things that are weighing us down - at that moment in time. The bad shit overwhelms us to the exclusion of all else. I've been there and find that the only way to fight it is to talk to oneself, even out loud if it helps (feck the first sign of madness lol), and analytically rationalise why we are feeling the way we feel. I have devised a personal system in which I visualise 14 different facets of my own persona - 7 positive and 7 negative. At times one or more of these personae take over completely or come into psychically harmful conflict with each other. This plays havoc with our moods, to say the least. The key is to consciously identify which facets are currently in negative control and talk them down by channeling our other more positive personae. I think of them as fourteen distinct existential Tulpas each represented by their own colour: THE SEVEN POSITIVE CREATIVE TULPAS: Mr White - empathy Mr Black - justice Mr Blue - practicality Mr Green - harmony Mr Red - pleasure Mr Yellow - enthusiasm Mr Purple - wisdom THE SEVEN NEGATIVE DESTRUCTIVE TULPAS: Mr Grey - despair Mr Brown - filth Mr Pink - immaturity Mr Orange - arrogance Mr Magenta - paranoia Mr Rust - rage Mr Beige - indifference Try channeling the facets of your own personality, identify them and learn to control them and, eventually, you will be able to call forth those you need at will. Get to that point and the world is your oyster. All it takes is emotional and mental discipline. | ||
| Craig (Craig) Username: Craig Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 99.153.254.41 |
Tony, I can relate. I long ago realized something basic and irrefutable about being human: human beings are incapable - incapable - of consciously performing pointless tasks. When they attempt it, it's like that Alien-blood acid poured directly upon mind, it burns through everything and will quickly result in insanity. So sometimes things we do can result in overwhelming pointlessness without us consciously realizing it - yet. We'll do something, say write, and don't yet realize it's somewhere along the line become all work, all struggle; we're taking no joy in it, no one benefits, no one cares, we don't believe it's going to result in anyone caring at some future date, etc. When all of these factors reach 100% realization - done. Stop. Over. You will be simply incapable of doing it any further. I got that way myself - I hit 100% a couple years back, and simply on-a-dime, stopped writing. Stopped caring about writing. But I rediscovered the joy of reading like I haven't experienced in years. Much of the act of writing is, frankly, a look-at-me aspect of the Ego - and any time you can extinguish the ego, you're always, always, better off. Now, I'm at a point where writing means nothing to me either way - it doesn't enhance my existence by doing it, I realize, nor detract from it if I don't. I don't derive any Value from it - i.e., I don't base my worth, my personal value, upon writing. I've never felt so free. I feel like writing again, too! Just let go, don't push it if you don't want to. My two cents. | ||
| Stevie Walsh (Stephenw) Username: Stephenw Registered: 03-2009 Posted From: 81.133.201.120 |
And words of sheer genius, Craig. Thank you. | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.181.138.66 |
Just feeling so low with all the Trump shit and various problems at home, which I won't go into. Suffice to say I feel dead, really. I even cut my arm today, something I've only done once before, and which I wonder is a cry for help or a way of calming myself down, I don't know. I do know it calms me down - what is it after all, but tattooing for poor people? But yes, not writing is OK. I just found it stirred up a lot of bad feelings. I wasn't writing Holmesian mysteries, it was all navel-gazing, wound-licking. The carving I've been doing on and off has been more relaxing (until I saw how many great carvers there were out there). Io just rudderless, is all, and off people. | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.181.138.66 |
I'M just ruderless, I mean. | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.185.27.8 |
A good election result today, at least much better than we could have expected. This place is getting like that old hotel again, only the rare occasional guest. Echoes. | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 109.155.219.225 |
Zip. Selling things on ebay. | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.190.206.179 |
I wish you guys were back. |