| Author | Message | ||
     John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert) Username: John_l_probert Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 90.209.204.97 |
"Apparently it's pretty 'full on'" said the young lady cutting my hair this lunchtime as I told her of my plans to watch the My Bloody Valentine remake - in 3D no less - this afternoon. "I should jolly well hope so," I replied as I handed her a copy of Faculty of Terror in lieu of payment (this 'local author' thing and a bit of charm goes a long way, I am noticing). There are at last count five multiplexes in Bristol, but only the newest, the Cinema de Lux, was showing this remake the way nature intended, and they even provided a 'Put Your 3D Glasses On Now' caption before the movie started for those who hadn't yet worked out what the goggles they had been handed on the way in were for. Bless you National Amusements for being non-discriminatory to the hard of thinking. The slasher movie seems to be the one sub-genre that has refused to die ever since JC's ground-breaking Halloween, and the fact that the ground it broke subsequently became as fertile as the Ho Chi Minh trail after a good dose of Agent Orange seems to matter not a jot. I haven't seen the original MBV (I hope to rectify that soon) so I can't say how faithful the remake is. The plot of this new version is as follows: Miner Harry Warden gets trapped in a cave-in with a load of other miners. When rescue services dig him out it turns out he's killed the others to save himself more oxygen. He's whisked off to hospital in a coma, coming out of it only to murder 22 hospital staff and patients, the aftermath of which we are witness to in a credits sequence that might have been more fun if we'd seen the actual murders but is still, as my hairdresser lady said, 'Pretty full on' (and includes the best 3D effect which is of a girl's hand dripping with blood). Harry pops off to the local mine where some kids are having a party and proceeds to cause more 3D inspired mayhem which includes the old eyeball-into-the-audience gag. Then he's shot by I'm-here-to-keep-the-80s-horror-geeks-happy Tom Atkins & his even older buddy cop. Finish credits. Flash forward ten years. And the murders start up again. To be honest I don't think I'm giving much away by saying it quickly becomes a whodunnit as someone's obviously impersonating Mr Warden for their own evil ends. Sadly the denouement wasn't the twisted and frankly bizarre gay love-triangle I had already written in my head and was dying for it to be so I was a bit disappointed, but all I will say is that Pete Walker & David McGillivray would have had a field day writing the cod-psychology bollocks dialogue to explain what actually happens. Is it any good? If you're a die-hard 80s slasher movie fan you'll probably love it. Otherwise director Patrick Lussier doesn't really have 'the touch'. A couple of the murders are deliciously mean-spirited and quite spectacular, and I have to give full marks to the actress who has to remain entirely naked for the duration of her performance before she gets her heart torn out (if I ever make movies I'd want to have someone like her in every one of them), but overall it's not one I'd recommend or watch again. | ||
| Simon Bestwick (Simon_b) Username: Simon_b Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 86.24.165.182 |
Apart from the name 'Harry Warden' and the being trapped in a cave-in part, it's pretty well junked the original plot altogether, by the sound of it. One of the good things about the original MBV was the strong element of social commentary behind it... I'm not saying anymore about that as you haven't seen the original yet. By the sound of it, the remake isn't much of an improvement- they so rarely are... | ||
| Simon Bestwick (Simon_b) Username: Simon_b Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 86.24.165.182 |
Ick. Two 'by the sound of its' in one short post. Terrible, Bestwick. My apologies to all English language lovers out there... | ||
| Gary Fry (Gary_fry) Username: Gary_fry Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.31.106.3 |
Never heard a thing. | ||
| Steve Bacon (Stevebacon) Username: Stevebacon Registered: 09-2008 Posted From: 90.213.27.228 |
Simon, I never noticed till you pointed it out...  | ||
| Gary Fry (Gary_fry) Username: Gary_fry Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.31.106.3 |
I've got my eye on his use of "anymore"... | ||
| John Llewellyn Probert (John_l_probert) Username: John_l_probert Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 90.209.204.97 |
Has ANYBODY ELSE seen this film? | ||
| Niki Flynn (Niki) Username: Niki Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 78.32.69.29 |
Well, I'd have gone with you, but you didn't invite me, did you?  Where's Bristol anyway? | ||
| Gary Fry (Gary_fry) Username: Gary_fry Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.31.106.3 |
Somewhere south of the north, like a man and his shadow. | ||
| Craig (Craig) Username: Craig Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 75.5.13.166 |
Nope, I meant to see it... I so rarely actually GO to the theatre anymore... though the upcoming FRIDAY THE 13th, gosh... I'm actually thinking that one is a must.... | ||
| Karim Ghahwagi (Karim) Username: Karim Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 80.167.124.223 |
I'll have to see this now. If more film reviews were written like this, lots more people would go to the movies. The last sort of 80's slasher I saw that stuck was a French one- Frontier(s) by Xavier Gens and that was intense, blackly comic at times, kind of topical, and it did push certain limits in an interesting way. | ||
| Niki Flynn (Niki) Username: Niki Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 78.32.69.29 |
I want to see it, but I don't think I can fit the 3D glasses over my gas mask.  | ||
| Craig (Craig) Username: Craig Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 75.16.76.166 |
It's just like I've always said: there's nothing like a beautiful woman in fur with a gas-mask....  |