| Author | Message | ||
     Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
Every new guest should come bearing gifts, they say. And to show my pleasure in being here, I am giving a ZENCORE book (post free in UK) to the first ten current members on this forum who approach me at bfitzworth@yahoo.co.uk This is separate from the offer I made yesterday on the BFS award thread, but nobody gets more than one Zencore and those who already have one are ineligible! :-) | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
i.e. you don't have to be a BFS member to be eligible for above gift. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
One down, nine to go. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
No strings attahed, btw.  | ||
| Griff (Griff) Username: Griff Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.93.21.74 |
Aye aye! | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
Don't be shy. Two down, eight to go. These books don't exist by the way. Every reviewer has been paid off to keep quiet that they're reviewing nothing. It's a conspiracy. | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.145.131.242 |
Me! | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
Three down, seven to go. Gift horse...? | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
I don't know. Sounds like a weird cult to me. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
You don't know half of it! | ||
| Joel (Joel) Username: Joel Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.149.134.59 |
"Every reviewer has been paid off to keep quiet that they're reviewing nothing. It's a conspiracy." No Oxford commas.  | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
Joel, beware of commas that can infect you with mad cow disease via the eyesight. A 'bovine bridge' that is only very vaguely different from a real comma. Look carefully, I suggest, at any text you read before you read it. | ||
| Joel (Joel) Username: Joel Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.149.134.59 |
How is looking closely at the text safer than reading it? Is it the act of making sense that puts you at risk of infection? | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.147.51.96 |
Ha! Maybe! I just read a bit of Burroughs that suggested language was a virus; he said (roughly) 'try not to think in words. I bet you won't make it past a few seconds.' A horible thought, really. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
Yes, you hit the nail on the head there, Joel. Commas only work when they're used for what they are designed to do, i.e. being read in meaningful context. Spotting one beforehand is best, like first picking out a clown by his quiff. | ||
| Gary Fry (Gary_fry) Username: Gary_fry Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.24.122.40 |
, | ||
| Allybird (Allybird) Username: Allybird Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 79.70.95.223 |
; | ||
| Weber_gregston (Weber_gregston) Username: Weber_gregston Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 83.98.9.4 |
How do we know this isn't a subtle scheme to get all our addresses an hunt us down one by one? | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
I got you email OK, Weber. Four gifts down, six to go. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
In future all giftees need to have read this very short DFL thingie on dreams, which I rediscovered today, previously forgotten: Mummy's Boy/ | ||
| Allybird (Allybird) Username: Allybird Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 79.70.95.223 |
"The woman masquerading as my wife seems to knit her own brain as it coils from the spindle of her revolving ear." You got my attention :>) | ||
| Joel (Joel) Username: Joel Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.149.134.59 |
Des, I've quoted a comment about a useless salesman from your story in DARKLANDS 2 to the sales team at work – they loved it.  | ||
| Allybird (Allybird) Username: Allybird Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 79.70.42.102 |
Thanks Des! Copy just arrived. | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.236.131 |
I dreamt Jimmy Saville was investigating an area in my town known for hauntings. He got quite cross at me for some reason and I had to stalk him through a seaside town full of cafes. The haunting involved a figure throwing a baby from a window, I think. | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 217.23.233.246 |
Albie; write it down now. My dreams have been too real lately. | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.236.131 |
I just did write it down. That's all I can recall. Except stuff that had nothing to do with Jimmy Saville and the haunting. Like the weird art gallery full of weird students. Acting arty weird...but for real. If you get me. Dreams are a con. They seem like an ideal well to drink horror ideas from...but they are basically just normal images most of the time, but with the emotional thermostat turned up. Like watching old episodes of Emmerdale Farm while taking drugs. I imagine. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
I live in a seaside place with lots of cafes. There's a strange connection between Jimmy Saville and Dr Who, but I can't put my finger on it. | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
Well, here's a pic of Saville fixing it for a young girl to meet Metal Mickey. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v698/mikeyb_137/TenthPlanet1.jpg | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 217.23.233.246 |
I saw a Clunk Click ad the other day and in it Saville turned round to show he was sitting next to a woman with a horrifically scarred head - her hair was shaved around these horrible lumpy stitches. He fixed it for her alright. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
5 down 5 to go | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.236.131 |
Imagine if you only hung out with the disfigured. And anyone who met you who wasn't disfigured...soon would be. Through bizarre accidents? Or just magically? "When was I disfigured? Why, I've always been disfigured." proclaim the crowd of disfigured, in perfect unison, as they advance upon the caravan. "Always. Always. Always disfigured...ask Saville. He knows. Always." And on a distant hill a motorised armchair propels a white haired figure along, leaving a trail of smoke. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
Still 5 down, 5 to go. | ||
| Hubert (Hubert) Username: Hubert Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 78.22.224.200 |
"And on a distant hill a motorised armchair propels a white haired figure along, leaving a trail of smoke." Strangely reminiscent of "Reply Guaranteed". Was this intentional? | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.161.241.208 |
Six down, four to go. Yours, gandalf | ||
| Tony (Tony) Username: Tony Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 81.157.153.231 |
Albie - I think she's called Esther Rantzen, Thief of Hugs. | ||
| Mick Curtis (Mick) Username: Mick Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.159.143.25 |
Six down, four to go.  | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
Hubert - yes, I think it was. But there's no proof. I'm not buying it! | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
Tony - ? Never mind. I've seen LAST YEAR IN MARIENBAD now. Very good. I think. Hard to hold in your mind! | ||
| Griff (Griff) Username: Griff Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 92.0.9.161 |
Albie! | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.163.170.232 |
Still 6 down, 4 to go. I wonder why free books are more difficult to sell than properly priced ones? | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.236.131 |
We lost a member to a psycho giving out free books a few years ago. I told him not to give out his home address. Poor Danzinger. | ||
| Gary Fry (Gary_fry) Username: Gary_fry Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 129.11.76.216 |
>>>I wonder why free books are more difficult to sell than properly priced ones? Cos we only read to eliminate the cognitive dissonance we suffer after paying for a book and otherwise leaving it to gather dust. With free books, there's no impetus. We just switch on the telly. | ||
| Joel (Joel) Username: Joel Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.149.134.59 |
Bloody Hell, Gary, you really have got a point there. I've wondered for ages why I sometimes disappoint friends by taking years to get round to reading books they have given me. Maybe this insight will spur me to mend my ways. | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
Chortle. Free books are like a bull made from china in a shop selling red rags, and the shop is made from china too. And so are we, and we are wearing red rags. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.163.170.232 |
Well the book isn't actually free. I was offering an expensive book as a gift to people here, as a newcomer wanting to shake off his non-Santa Claus image. | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
And the bull is full of red rags. | ||
| Joel (Joel) Username: Joel Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 86.149.134.59 |
It may be, of course, that there is an underlying reason that has to do with me being a c*nt. | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
And Joel is made from china and wearing red rags in the shapes of bulls. | ||
| Des (Des) Username: Des Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 86.163.170.232 |
Zencore is a herbal viagra. | ||
| Albie (Albie) Username: Albie Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 195.195.244.67 |
So it's about hard ons? I've discovered the way to the ultimate orgasm. But it pulled a muscle in my gut wall so bad it was like being stabbed. Never again. Lucky I had that red rag. | ||
| Gary Fry (Gary_fry) Username: Gary_fry Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 129.11.76.230 |
That insight has limited application, alas. If it was wholly true, libraries would close down nationwide. Er, hold on... | ||
| Weber_gregston (Weber_gregston) Username: Weber_gregston Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 83.98.9.4 |
Thanks for the book Des. I got it a couple of weeks back. I've been meaning to say thanx ever since. What I've read of it's pretty good so far. I like the not knowing who the authors are, it means you read all the stories and not just the ones by the authors you know. |